One of the primary purposes of relationships is to learn to love. However, few people learn to love themselves or how to create healthy, loving relationships.
Paradoxically, the qualities that attract one person to another at the beginning of romantic relationships are frequently the same ones that create frustrations and disconnection later. According to some relationship experts, this is because one of the underlying functions of relationships is to heal childhood attachment wounds and to foster emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. As such, we are subconsciously programmed to attract partners who offer the opportunity for optimal personal growth. Through couples therapy, a deeper, more fulfilling, and passionate connection – a more conscious relationship – is possible.
Our relationships are mirrors – showing us the places in ourselves in need of healing.
One of the most puzzling things is why we are not taught somewhere along the way, strategies to heal our childhood wounds and to create healthy, satisfying relationships.
With the divorce rate as it is, most people do not have great role models. They fumble along and do their best until, if they are fortunate, they find effective guidance to consciously create healthier and more satisfying outcomes.
The Wholistic Approach that I offer couples is designed to nurture, revitalize, heal, and transform your relationship. The models I draw on include some of the most effective, well-researched relationship theories including Attachment Theory, Imago Relationship Therapy, The Gottman Method, Mindfulness, and Neuroscience. Through this process you will be equipped with a toolbox of successful relationship building skills. You will be empowered you to eradicate unhealthy patterns, resolve conflict, heal past hurts, and deepen trust, understanding and emotional connection. One of the things that distinguishes romantic relationships from any other is sexual intimacy. As such, learning ways to deepen physical intimacy and passion is also an important focus. Through the process of couples therapy you will experience a more harmonious, satisfying, and conscious relationship.
Attachment Theory
developed by Dr. John Bowlby, is a foundation of couples therapy. It illuminates the profound impact that early caregiver relationships have on adult relationships. Early attachment patterns significantly influence one’s capacity to form and maintain bonds with romantic partners.
Attachment Theory outlines four key attachment styles that reflect how individuals perceive and respond to emotional intimacy and independence – Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized Attachment. By learning to self-soothe and understand each other’s emotional triggers, couples can develop healthier communication and a more secure attachment. This nurtures connection trust and emotional attunement.
Imago Relationship Therapy
developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt and rooted in Attachment Theory, is based on the premise that we subconsciously attract romantic partners with characteristics resembling those of our early caregivers as an evolutionary way to heal childhood wounds. Imago Therapy helps couples understand their unhealthy patterns and provides strategies to break free from destructive cycles. Through communication skills training, partners develop greater self-awareness and empathy, and learn to validate each other’s experiences. By effectively expressing their needs and feelings and responding to each other in more loving and constructive ways, greater understanding, emotional safety, and increased intimacy is fostered.
The Gottman Method
is derived from decades of scientific research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman who investigated the factors that contribute to long-lasting, satisfying relationships. Empirical evidence demonstrates that successful relationships are built on the foundation of trust, friendship, and mutual respect.
This system provides couples with strategies to strengthen their emotional bond, effectively manage conflict, and develop healthy relationship skills. It identifies and offers tools to overcome to four negative communication patterns that are most destructive to relationships – criticism (attacking one’s character), defensiveness (denial of responsibility), contempt (expressing disrespect or distain), and stonewalling (withdrawing and emotionally shutting the other person out). The Gottman Method teaches skills to build a thriving, healthy, and lasting relationship.
Mindfulness and Compassion Philosophy
encourages a shift from ego-driven thinking to a more conscious state. Eckhart Tolle is one of the most influential contemporary spiritual thought leaders. Tolle describes relationships as a spiritual practice. When your partner behaves unconsciously, he recommends using mindfulness techniques to recognize the dysfunction, abstain from impulsive reactiveness, and offer compassion and forgiveness. Tolle posits that loving presence allows people to be as they are – and no greater catalyst for transformation exists than when we are loved as we are. If you practice loving kindness you not only break the cycle of conflict, but your partner cannot remain unconscious. It is empowering to realize that it only takes one person to transform a relationship.
